Not that we really need to bring these "why I dig...." post back. But i really really feel that i need to try to explain to the world why I love gonzo.
Gonzo is one of my best friends. I love him much much more than(EVERYONE.)
He listens to music i'm not always into, and makes jokes i dont always laugh at
However, Gonzo is Da Best because:
* He tells it like it is, always to me at least and i appreciate that.
* He is always there to talk
* He prefers the question "whats really good?" rather than simply "whats up?"
* He is real, always, always, real.
* He is a great captain of a great team and is as dedicated to and passionate for ultimate, as i am if not a whole lot more.
* He pours milk into his ice cream, and eats combinations of everything
* He has sick accuracy
* He loves animals for real, and loves apple picking in penslyvnia.
* He is always happy for me when something good happens, and lets me feel whatever I am going to feel, without giving me anything else to think about.
* He makes sure I take care of my self when I am sick
* He makes sure I smile when i am sad
* He makes sure I smile when i am happy
Gonz - I dont think you know how much you mean to me. Thank you for everything, I am always here.
please inform me why people get drunk. i dont understand.
I have just been greatly dissapointed by many.
I have just been greatly picked up by jeremy. thank you
realizations are good, change happens, we deal with change because we have to. i have such a great, long life to live, and the only way to truly appreciate everything is in the present.
life is good
Its a good thing I can type without looking at the keyboard because i cant see all that much, my eyes are a little blurry. Tears? ay! silly ashley. For the past 4 and half months i have pretended these things called "college", "graduation" and the "end of the year" don't exsist. Today, the first day of Senior Trip, I discovered I can't pretend any longer. If anyone would like to keep this facade please please don't read any further because I have to get this all out. Afterwards it'll all be good again, i just need one kick in january to get me through to june.
Friends. I've made a lot. Most friends I can picture not speaking to after college, even after high school - there are some friends, however, those single people in my life, I can't picture living without. I am naive. I know this. I also know I am a sophmore. Gonzo, Trig, Jeremy, Pablo, Stephen, and Joe are seniors. Gonzo is my best friend, Jeremy is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, Trig makes me feel like a better person, Pablo makes me smile, always, makes me more confident than anyone else, Stephen allowed me to feel what its like to fall in love, and Joe makes me question myself in everyway possible. These are my friends. These six guys are in upstate NY as i type this on their senior trip. I am not there. I am not a senior.
Senior Trip - 3 days apart, this is not unlikely. I probably would not have seen anyone for these days anyway. There is something werid signing online and KNOWING trig, gonzo and spry won't be online. There is something about knowing i CANT get in touch with them.
These guys are going to College in a few months. they are not going to be in the tech office every day. they are not going to be at practice ever morning. they are not going to walk me to the train. they are not going to be the first faces I see when the swivel chair turns around in the tech office as I pass by in between classes. they are not going to be the people I ask jeremy to change my schedual for. they are not going to come over after school. they are not going to sleep at my house at 2 in the morning. they are not going to mess with my head, and pull out foutons. they are not going to come over to talk for hours or watch movies on my couch. they are not going to give me looks that make me more insecure than ive ever been in my life, or say one thing that will motivate me for life, and make me feel incredible. they are not going to act so stupidly in front of me I feel obligated to say "be careful."
I lost a best friend to boarding school two years ago. I will lose 3 of my best friends to college in 7 months. So. What do I do? How do I feel? How will I cope? I could put it off forever, I could not think about it, and pretend in august they are going away for a long weekend, and just wait for them to come home. In anyother situation i think that would work. Except, THE TECH OFFICE. I love it, it is my sancuary, i think no one loves that room as much as i do, it makes my day, it makes my week, it makes high school a great experience. the tech office works ultimate into an ordinary school day, and this makes me smile. this makes me giddy, this makes it seem like im on drugs all the time. Ultimate, gave me the best friends i've ever had. Let me meet people i want to know everything about. introduced me to people that cause me to feel things ive never felt before. Our team is going to greatly change, but more people will learn the game. More people will love it, I will love more people. This will all happen, and all my excitment will be taken with a grain of salt, because i will have two years in one of my favorite places ever - without my favorite people ever.
I'm scared.
I was thinking about this entry for a while, and would like to say one thing without thinking about farther ahead in the year so here we go
I hope a certain group of my friends (was going to list names but then ill forget some and feel bad) and lehmann have an awesome weekend away.
I hope the model UN group and ms haines have an aweosme trip at Yale. Happy Birthday ms haines!!!
Im in love with my big comfy chair in my living room that lets me look directly out of my window unto a white wonder land.
Im in love with ultimate: training for ultimate: snowtimate
Im in love with my family: my mom, dad, brother, step father, step mother, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents,
Im in love with the memories and stories i have of family members i miss
Im in love with my friends who never fail to make me happy; and who regardless of joking around, are always sincere and kind at just the right moment.
I love how my family and my friends get along, and how my friends are always welcome to my life because I am so open with my family. People ask me how i am, and i feel so lucky to say i am great with a smile and mean it so sincerely, beacuse i am content in my life. I feel blessed, and and greatful that i am so happy.
There have been so many influences in my life that I dont always acknowladge, or think about, but i am greatful everyone has infulenced me the way they have because i have worked out well. When I was younger, we used to think of like in three catagories - boys, school, and parents/friends. So
Boys - =)
School - Couldn't be better
Parents - really really good
Friends - Unbelievable
Sports - I'm in love
I would like to thank everyone who has influenced me in my life. teachers, friends, family, family friends, friends, blah blah blah
ASHLEY IS HAPPY AGAIN, CONTENT, GIDDY, - THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU
Oh My God. Besides nothing being said - it causes physical pain when i listen to President Bush speak about Iraq, and Afganistan, Taxes, the Patriot Act, Health care, and workers rights. -
I could wait to post this till i edit it, and think clearly about my thoughts without thinking he is an idiot with everything he says but ill just post more cohesive thoughts later....
54 minutes, inturupted 74 times for applause,
Im scared because he started out with passion and intensity. He was defensive of the foriegn policy, and spoke strongly regardless of the HORRIBLE lies about tax cuts being permanent, and the ecconomy being strong. He was difinitve and confident on the Partiot Act and No Child Left Beind, but did not speak as securely on domestic issues as on foreign policy. Im scared beause i think with listening to this you see his confidence and (ignoring his stupidity) you see that he is not changing and he thinks he has done everything right. Will people believe in him and take the easy road out in keeping him for another four years. I really have lost a little faith in the majority of people and hope that they will not be stupid.
Quotes and Responses that made me go AHHHHH
"government run health care system is the wrong perscription". "we will preserve the system of private medicine"
No Child Left Behind - is helping childern meet standards that have been risen.
Need to help children make right choices, No drugs... blah blah Law enforcement to stop drug use, im sure its more terrorism spreading. Steroid send the wrong message, SHORT CUTS TO ACCOMPLISHMENTS, cough*thousand and one comments about him and his dad and aye* cough
"americas the land of 2nd chance" so now besides golden opportuity, land of the free and the brave, were the land of 2nd chances -
"last 3 years brought test we did not ask for" and suprisingly its the time hes been president
"courage and daring of a free people"
bush has been "PARTNER IN A GREAT ENTERPRISE" - but promises he has no imperialistic thoughts
"study hard in school, listen to mom or dad, when you or your friends see a man or woman in uniforrm say thank you"
"may god continue to bless america"
stems so many differnt thoughts - 1 speration between church and state, 2 hes a bigger moron, 3 difference between religion and faith if you need to relate to the people. WHY OH WHY....
I am walking back and forth between my living room and my room, the computer online, and word open with a bio assesment waiting to be completed... and in the other room a tv on channel 5 showing commercials to the anxious american idol fan base waiting for more. I am dissapointed in my self that i am watching this, i wonder how dissapointed people are in me. I think maybe it could be like ms. reeds obsession with survior but at least she really is addicted to the show ... i never really was a fan of american idol, and i watch it in complete humor laughing at the contestants and the other people who watch it seriously. does that make it any better, am i still one of them... aye
hmmm, ive written quite a lot today. while i was going in circles on my desk chair and playing with my big lock for a locker i dont use, thinking i should be working, thinking more hmmm look at this lock. "i wonder if i know the combination, i havent used it in couple months" yep i did, it worked. still spinning i close and open the lock over and over... think i have too much time on my hadns. I dont even own a watch, so couldnt be poissible... hmmm i wonder how many people will get that joke, proably not many, but its okay we know im crazy. Ive sat on my couch, my bed and my chair today without doing anything. no tv no computer (cept' the blog) and i've relaxed.
i though about my lock, and my locker, and it wonder why i dont use a locker. the most important reason is a thing called the "stuff cabinet" that i greatly take advantage of. another thing is im lazy. lazy to go to a locker and put stuff in and out.. lazy and dont care enough to decorate it... hmmmm What do people have in their lockers. I wonder, U wibder what picutres i would put up on the door if a had a locker, what keepsakes i would stick inside to rembeer happy things, maybe of friends taht arent at beacon, amybe ultimate pictures.
i think of all my memories. i smile. i am smiling. this sentecne difference reminds me of sendero and preterite, imperfect differences... hes a stickler for those things- lemme tell ya!.
My friend M.H... Mary Hull from atlanta, georgia sent me an email wishing me a happy birthday.... i almost cried. M.H and i met this summer in alaska and we were friends for 1 month exactly, best friedns actaully, one of those friendships that never would have survied in the real world, but oh! we love each other. and so 6 months later i get an email wishing me a happy birthday, because she was thinking about me and remembered. makes me just smile
blah blah blah wild stream of consciencousness - going to drink some tea, im freeeeezing
Not to cool when you have to turn in a paper by a certain time, but your not in school to do it yourself, so when your friends are supposed to help out and turn it in for you. then, regardless of them doing it or not... they tell you the email didnt work, after the time passed for you to turn it in. its cool to add stress in my life. someone should start a lets mess with ashleys head club.
as of typing this word my mouth is two hours free of braces!!! I went to the orthodontist today at 9:50 and after bonding some teeth, doing some other things with some scary metal instuments. i felt like my back molars were being pulled out of my head, but then they were off. In one clean row of metal they popped out and i was brace free. The cleaning took a while, scraping cement off my teeth which is a scary thought - I wasnt allowed to touch my teeth before the glue came of because they were going to taste/ feel gross, so after i had a drill in there for about an hour, and it felt like there were power drills going at each of my teeth..... Reva (the "whatever" they are called) looks up and said okay! your done. I cannnot stop licking my teeth, i cannot stop smiling, Wow, its the strangest feeling ever, but im home, no school today so im going to use this time and do some work.... woooohoooo no more metal!
I don't understand friends... i dont understand people. I don't understand why people are so stupid sometimes. why people are so great, and others are so horrible.
I say he/she/whoever is the greatest/best/my favorite etc at least 3 times a day about different people, and you know somethings wrong when i dont say this at least once about someone. See the thing is, there are very few people in my life that i dont love, or cant stand. If i love you i either know all about you can couldnt picture my life without you, or i dont really know you, but love to death the parts i know. point blank though - if you annoy me in a first impression its going to be hard for me to think your not an annoying person.
why do i judge people the way i do? not even that im judgmental, but why is it that if someone is the greatest and i love them and they do one thing wrong i am so quick to throw them out. I am so fast to change my mind that they are bad rather than be open to someone getting on my goodside. This is something my mom points out to me frequently.... she does SO much right and i love her for it, but the second she slips up once, or goes below my standards i lose so much resect for her so quickly. This is something i must fix.
why can i know this about my self, and recognize when people do this to me, but not accept them for it, or let it go. I've never gotten along with girls... various ones throughout my life .. my "best friends"... they annoy me more than anyone else. Then i meet a new one and say nope shes differnt, shes cool, she might live up to my standards. Am i really that cocky that I think im so great and no one is great enough to be my friend. Obviously i have high standards for friends, but get upset when someone else has them for me.
I am upset that friends make me feel small, and guilty because i cannot live up to an expectation, because the first thing i do wrong they make me feel like poo. Maybe this will help me with my mom, maybe that will help me in life.
Why do i love my guys? They put me through poo everyday. They are violent and they break stuff when they come over, they talk about football and the superbowl, they are embarrassed of their house and familes, they never let me come over, they get mad when i talk to their mom.... They need my help, they make me cook, or organize things. They call me to talk, they are there to listen. They always make me laugh... they make me crazy... they make me smile
Is this a sexist issue? do i generally like guys better than girls? Why is it ive never stayed friends with a girl for more than 2 years. Why do i get jelous in only one situation in my whole life... and that situation repeats itself over and over again... a girl becomes myfriend and with it, takes one of my guys. I get insecure, feel intimidated... but then wait! the guys the one who stays my friend, the girl doesnt. Now people are vain, theyre going to place names with these situations, and i garuntee theyre going to be right... not because its happend once but becuase in every group of friends and every stage of my life this has happened.
Why do i always reach out to people who i think i can trust too quickly? why am i so easily dissapointed? why is this only about guys and girls... why does it seem like my mom dissapoints me more than my dad? why is my dad the fun one i see on weekends and at the movies, why is my mom the one who has to deal with me? why am i so hard on everyone? why can i look at one person and have ever bad question go away?
I don't understand people, I don't understand me. I guess no one does, really.
Sitting at my desk, just got home... walked from school - i have never seen my face and ears so red. I have a history paper due tomorrow, for my assesment, which will probably be with haines and bayard, because having them would cause the most stress in my life. I have to do no less then 75 math review problems for galanors pre-calc class to review for a final im going to screw up on anyway. I have to start speaking in spanish for the next 5 days to prepare for my spanish assesment with sendero. I have to start reacercing loss of habitat in the taiga biome for biology. I should be incredbly stressed. I am horrible at managing my time. I need more sleep. I need to eat more often. I need to stop saying yes to everything. I need to fit in a social life. I need to stop slacking off. I need to be more confident about my work. I need to be less annoyed with people and teachers. I need to stop writing and do my work because i promised lehmann i would be doing work which is why i couldnt go to their game. None of these necesities are making me unhappy. I am happy. I am very content.
Sarah has joined the beacon blogging community Wooooohoooooo!!!
http://www.beaconschool.org/~smotola/MT/
With sooo much love for her, i am estatic that she can have a place to vent where here friends can see her life all at once. I also watch the once exculsive blogging community grow, and more people join and take advantage of blogging and beacon. "wooohoooo rock on"
Jeremy is right.. it has been too long. My blog was feeling rejected and in dire dire hope to rekindle its love i have no doubt that i shall fill this entry with information about ULTIMATE. I am sitting in my chair only moving my arms, and as little as possible, for i think if i have to use my ab muscles one more time today they are going to go "mwharp..shrivel up and disapear" I have practice for two days ina row and get ready for bed so i can wake up and do it again tomorrow. Practice Wed. was the first practice of the year, with the guys WOOOHOOOO! they are rockin like i cant even tell you this year, kickin some major ass as of january i cant even imagine what theyre going to do come the begin of the season. Im in love.... with ultimate and with each and every meber on that team. They are why i began playing ultimate, they are why i feel good about my self today, they are what make me happy, they are the cause of me barely sleeping the night before practice because im so excitied i get to be in pain a couple of hours later. I am so greatful that ultimate has affected me the way it has, and i am so happy that wed was the first practice i did all the crunches and push ups ever in a practice and that number was 400 and 80. I love that i sprinted every lap i had to and felt good, i love that iggy and trig drank all of my water and i didnt feel like i was going to die. I love that i have to run up the stairs because if i walk them too slowly i cant make it up them. It should be clear by now that ULTIMATE is what makes me happy.
This is all leading up to the fact i had practice today with nearly 20 girls, and about 6 girls who have never before touched a disc. We got sweaty, we got pumped and we showed some sick dedication. The boys ask... is amherst running now? .. well okay girls, youve never played a game beofre in your life, what are you going to do when we are going to compare to amherst. I am no less than estatic when i think about a beacon gils ultimate team, when i think about playing with girls who are going to be sick! when i think of feeling okay when i complain that my sports bra isnt working. Indian runs, stairs, crunchs., plyos, RUNNING SPRINTING....
getting in shape for the national team try outs
getting in shape for beacon girls games
getting in shape for beacon guys games
getting in shape to be happy
getting in shape to run the last point of the final game at nationals (figuring the other team has a girl in... hmm wonder if that will happen EVER)
I LOVE ULTIMATE, in case you had any doubts
I love ultimate, and i love practice, and i love other people who love ultimate
WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!