I don't understand friends... i dont understand people. I don't understand why people are so stupid sometimes. why people are so great, and others are so horrible.
I say he/she/whoever is the greatest/best/my favorite etc at least 3 times a day about different people, and you know somethings wrong when i dont say this at least once about someone. See the thing is, there are very few people in my life that i dont love, or cant stand. If i love you i either know all about you can couldnt picture my life without you, or i dont really know you, but love to death the parts i know. point blank though - if you annoy me in a first impression its going to be hard for me to think your not an annoying person.
why do i judge people the way i do? not even that im judgmental, but why is it that if someone is the greatest and i love them and they do one thing wrong i am so quick to throw them out. I am so fast to change my mind that they are bad rather than be open to someone getting on my goodside. This is something my mom points out to me frequently.... she does SO much right and i love her for it, but the second she slips up once, or goes below my standards i lose so much resect for her so quickly. This is something i must fix.
why can i know this about my self, and recognize when people do this to me, but not accept them for it, or let it go. I've never gotten along with girls... various ones throughout my life .. my "best friends"... they annoy me more than anyone else. Then i meet a new one and say nope shes differnt, shes cool, she might live up to my standards. Am i really that cocky that I think im so great and no one is great enough to be my friend. Obviously i have high standards for friends, but get upset when someone else has them for me.
I am upset that friends make me feel small, and guilty because i cannot live up to an expectation, because the first thing i do wrong they make me feel like poo. Maybe this will help me with my mom, maybe that will help me in life.
Why do i love my guys? They put me through poo everyday. They are violent and they break stuff when they come over, they talk about football and the superbowl, they are embarrassed of their house and familes, they never let me come over, they get mad when i talk to their mom.... They need my help, they make me cook, or organize things. They call me to talk, they are there to listen. They always make me laugh... they make me crazy... they make me smile
Is this a sexist issue? do i generally like guys better than girls? Why is it ive never stayed friends with a girl for more than 2 years. Why do i get jelous in only one situation in my whole life... and that situation repeats itself over and over again... a girl becomes myfriend and with it, takes one of my guys. I get insecure, feel intimidated... but then wait! the guys the one who stays my friend, the girl doesnt. Now people are vain, theyre going to place names with these situations, and i garuntee theyre going to be right... not because its happend once but becuase in every group of friends and every stage of my life this has happened.
Why do i always reach out to people who i think i can trust too quickly? why am i so easily dissapointed? why is this only about guys and girls... why does it seem like my mom dissapoints me more than my dad? why is my dad the fun one i see on weekends and at the movies, why is my mom the one who has to deal with me? why am i so hard on everyone? why can i look at one person and have ever bad question go away?
I don't understand people, I don't understand me. I guess no one does, really.
Posted by abrichte at January 14, 2004 08:59 PM | TrackBackSpyware removal free download. free virus removers Spyware Software spyware free spyware program free anti spyware software free removal spyware spyware detector free download microsoft anti spyware download free msn anti spyware microsoft free spyware remover
microsoft spyware removal adware downloads free programs down load microsoft giant anti spy! Free spyware remove
free spyware scans!
Free download spyware pyware hunter Adware Download? Spyware Blaster Free Spyware Downloads free spyware anti virus removal msn anti virus/spyware destroyer! Free spyware download free download spyware programs adaware se status
free virus and spyware spyware programs. Free spyware removal tools msn.free downloads spyware free removal of computer trojan. Download blaster anti! Download free spyware removal free spyware software, totally free spyware remover free spyware stormer free spyware cleaner, free anti-spyware program downloads? Yahoo anti spyware!
Cheap download virus scan spy blocker www.free spyware removal, free trojan removers error remover free spyware load microsoft spyware removal free program downloa free registry removers spyware free programs free down load anti virus protection, download spyware free! Free pop-up remover, microsoft anti spyware download yahoo virus, free spyware tools free down load anti virus protection totally free scan of pc
free virus detector and delete. Msn spyware downloads ad adware. Free spyware removers totally free scan of pc! Freeware spyware remover? Download spyware free adaware download. Free adaware remover?
Free spyware doctor spyware blaster download msn virus scan free spyware blocker software? Adaware, free trial spyware spyware removal free. Adware free lavasoft free spyware detector free download, microsoft spyware free "spyware virus" detection spyware detection, best spyware Free Spyware Removal?
Posted by: Spyware Protection at March 22, 2006 02:09 PMFree trojan removal software msn adware 6 free free spyware " free "spyware virus" detection msn anti virus/spyware destroyer spyware nuker spyware remover free! Spyware cleaner free version free spyware anti free Spyware Blocker spyware yahoo ree anti virus and removal spyware free download free spyware blocker
remover blaster free spyware killer free spyware scans spyware detector free downloads free spyware downloadable software online spyware removal? Free spyware " best spyware best spyware blockers?
Msn adware yahoo virus free spyware from msn free spyware and adware programs spyware doctor crack free shareware spyware remover free down load anti virus protection spyware blaster free msn spyware remova
free spyware remover tools. Free trial of computer virus protection spyware list. Free scan programs freeware spyware remover, download free spyware removal! Spyware remover free free spyware tools free virus/spyware eliminator spyware removal programs free" "virus removal" anti adware free online spyware scan free spyware. Free adaware remover spyware cleaner freeware spyware-adware free spyware remove free spyware " microsoft spyware removing spyware, spyware search and destroy anti spyware share ware adaware6.0.
Spyware search and destroy free spyware remover download Free Spyware Protection free spyware removal" spyware remover spyware doctor freeware download spyware free programs free downloads spyware remover free removal virus free spyware protection free anti spyware program remover adware removal microsoft spyware removal microsoft spyware blocker, free removal virus free hijacker remover free microsoft spyware removal tool free download adware free spyware scan?
Posted by: spyware at March 22, 2006 01:11 PMSpyware cleaner freeware adware doctor free download free removal of computer trojan Free Spyware Remover free scan, microsoft free spyware remover msn virus scan spyware killer remove spyware for free msn adware blocker microsoft spy blaster free trial version of anti virus and anti spyware! Spyware cleaner free spyware doctor download. Spyware removal fort worth free anti virus remover free hijacker remover free spyware blocker software? Free spyware blockers msn adaware protection, Free Spyware Scan free anti trojan virus ware.
Posted by: spyware at March 22, 2006 10:40 AMVirus removing rating free spy doctor. What is spyware addware free free adware protection totally free spyware remover free trial messenger blocker msn addware and spyware? Yahoo virus free anti spyware program free trial version of anti virus and anti spyware free adware down load ad-adware remove adware.look2me spyware cleaner freeware virus removeal
spyware doctor with crack viris removers. Spyware free programs free virus and spyware
pop-up blocker removal free dowloads
microsoft virus scanner. Free computer virus removers spyware removal!
Free Spyware Protection www.free spyware removal msn addware and spyware ad-adware 6.0 adware download
crack for spyware doctor microsoft virus scanner viris removers, msn beta spyware removal adware freeware spyware remover spyware blocker, spyware spybot blaster free adware remove microsoft spyware blocker!
Find out what kind of debt consolidation is right for you.
Posted by: debt consolidation at January 16, 2006 05:17 AMlook at you!
doing 10 thousand and 1 things! and enjoying them all like mad. loving them all. and it's all always happy until that bastard named sleep tries to convince you that he/she is not conquerable...and then its overwhelming. really overwhelming. but then you have some coffee/tea and you are back to enjoying going from one thing to the next to the next to the next. rinse and repeat.
and that dude named sleep nags...and when he/she is nagging you, stuff (everything) seems crappy. friends not being as involved as you are, friends being/not being as stressed as you are etc seems crappy. but then sleep goes to sleep and the world is left with giddy-bouncey-in-14-places-at-once-ashley and everything and everyone in your path of uber-involved happiness seems worthy of being called the bestest etc. but then sleep comes back...etc etc.
that's all i got! i wish i could explain!
oh...and...having high standards in general is a good thing...and i guess the key is figuring out when to just think about your friends and standards, and when to impose your standards on people (call people out on not meeting your standards) etc.
there's my 2 cents of happy beacon memories. :)
Posted by: bigdawg at January 15, 2004 04:12 AMjessie, i could use you on this one!
Posted by: ashley at January 14, 2004 09:23 PM